


Clouds

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gaster cries a lot, Gaster's a cinnamon roll, Instances of adult language, M/M, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, Perspective Switching, Possible Miscarriage, Relationship Problems, a gross overuse of ellipses, anxiety episodes, author wants to be fought, bad writing style, comma splices for the sake of dialogue, gay husbands, skelepreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the bartending fireman knocks up the skelenerd. Gaster/Grillby skelepreg. (Currently abandoned)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yellow

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so some context–  
> This is sort of an extension to another story (which is, uh, kind of an extension to another story, heh…), in which Gaster and Grillby are young adults; and let’s face it, having this part of the story in the mainline probably wouldn’t fair well. So, Gaster’s working on his master’s, not yet the Royal Scientist and _not_ scarred by whatever the hell happened to him, and Grillby’s only just starting to think about opening a place of his own. And then, this shenanigan happens. There may be a some slight OOC in that case, apologies.  
>  I’m going to try to update this weekly, so it won’t be nearly as polished as I’d usually aim for.  
> And, finally, yes, you folks who just happened to wander in here, this story is based around _skelepreg_ , which entails a _pregnant_ skeleton, and that would be poor Gaster in this case. So either run far, far away, or continue, frightened but intrigued…  
>  Also a big thanks to the skelepreg community. They’re so lovely.

Grillby awoke with a slight grimace, feeling unusually warm and… smothered. Confused, he tried to move, but found himself wrapped tightly in bony limbs. Oh… Well, this was weird. He definitely wasn’t used to the feeling of a thin body scrunched against his back, or the whisper of breath across his face. He wasn’t exactly complaining, but his thin-skinned lover preferred to steer clear of his heat on the opposite side of the bed, rather than being hugged against his back…

But, looking at the time,– not too early, but just late enough,– he wasn’t too eager to set the day in motion yet. Weird as it was, maybe he could enjoy this. He shifted to stretch his legs, and an irritated groan sounded beside him. Grillby huffed and quirked his brow as his partner’s hold only tightened. Finally, curious, he managed to roll over, despite the grumbling of said partner, and met his sleepy, annoyed eyes. 

“Mm...What?”  
“What’s up with you?”

Gaster hummed and reclaimed the small space between them, burying into the crook of Grillby’s neck. Which, considering he was literally a pile of bones with some skin slapped on, wasn’t the most pleasant feeling. 

“You’re just… warm.”  
Grillby scoffed at that. Apparently, his genius husband of three-and-a-half years was just now figuring out that he, a being made of fire, was ‘warm.’ Mmhm…

But a kernel of genuine worry was starting to bloom in the fireman’s mind. Gaster only got like this when he was severely sick, as in, when he needed the extra support of Grillby’s magic just to sustain himself. Those were scary times… And it’d only happened twice before, with plenty of build up. Gaster looked pretty damn content, rather _not_ dying, so… What the hell was up?

 

“Yeah, that’s usually your complaint… Are you feeling alright?”  
After a slight hesitation, Gaster pulled away enough to look him in the face, posing a concerning frown. 

“I’m not so sure. Just feeling a bit… _off_.”  
“Hm… Have you called in already?”  
“Called in-? Wait, _shit_!”

Gaster scrambled out of bed before Grillby could grab him, immediately flitting around the room in panic. Knowing protest was useless, the fireman fell back into bed with a sigh. Of _course_ not. He had entertained that maybe, _just_ maybe, his overworked husband was letting himself have a day off, so maybe they could spend a nice morning together. But nope, he was gathering his clothes with a string of curses and rushing off to the bathroom, two hours late. 

Well, hell, what’d Grillby expect? He’d been dealing with this for years now, it would have been more concerning if Gaster _had_ just blown off classes.

Ah… he couldn’t be mad. He was so impressed and proud of his husband, he couldn’t ever justify putting his hard work to shame. Feeling a little guilty, Grillby got up and headed to the kitchen. He could at least scrap together a decent lunch for the skeleton, because lord knew he wouldn’t break for a precious hour for something as _trivial_ as eating… God, he loved the nerd. He often wondered what the hell Gaster would do without him. 

 

He was just starting to spread the jelly on the peanutbutter when he heard a– yell? yelp? Some sort of loud exclamation, that made him jump and flicker towards the bathroom door.

“You alright in there, Din?”  
“ _Oh… Oh my god_!”

Well, that didn’t sound good. Grillby started opening the door, dread picking up in his heart, but he was quickly and forcefully shoved back.

“ _Uuhhh, don’t come in, please, I, uh, mmmm-_!”

Okay…? He usually just went along with Gaster’s secretive antics, which were all too common, but this was very unsettling to say the least…

It’d just be easier to deal with it later though, rather than try to scrape something from his husband when he was already running late. He knew from experience that that would accomplish nothing, only a severely more irritated skeleton. 

He anxiously went back to packing the lunch, then waited patiently as Gaster rushed out to gather his bag. Gaster looked upset, in a way that was subtle to most but blaring to Grillby. And Grillby was sure that it wasn’t just from running late. Something was up. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Grillby asked with genuine softness, withholding the lunch from Gaster’s grasp. Gaster frowned with confliction, then murmured after a deep breath,  
“I’ll deal with it later.” Then, seeing his partner’s worry only deepen, he added with a slight smile,   
“I-it’s okay. It’s not really, mm, _bad_... I’m fine.”

Still very concerned and very curious but satisfied with the answer, for now, Grillby leaned forward to plant a fiery but tender kiss on the skeleton’s cheek, then let him have his lunch. 

“Alright. Be careful, okay? And call if you need anything.”  
“Yeah… Love you.”

“Love you too,” Grillby muttered lowly as he watched Gaster dart out. Usually he’d go back to bed now and rest up for his late shift, but in the silence of the apartment his thoughts were left to fester and eat away at his mind. After a few good minutes of gazing out at the dim cityscape, he turned on the coffee and busied himself with cleaning up after Gaster’s rampage. Possibilities were churning through his mind, and there weren’t too many good ones, despite Gaster’s assertions. Maybe if he’d just taken a sharp corner in the path of his thoughts and had just another tiny piece of information, he would’ve pieced it together. But, then, heh... he wouldn’t have gotten one of the biggest surprises in his life.

\-------------------------------

Grillby stretched his fingers nervously as the subway began slowing. It’d been a long night, and the ordeal with Gaster had plagued him through the shift. His anxiety was only made worse by the fact that the skeleton would likely be asleep when he got home, leaving the issue to be dealt with at an even later time. Yeah, he trusted Gaster to go to the hospital if something went _really_ wrong, but magic issues could kill quickly and unexpectedly… Grillby shuddered with that thought. 

At least the weekend was starting up, so Gaster couldn’t hide away at school or the lab, as he’d been known to do. 

He hurriedly got off at the stop and headed the short way to their apartment building. They lived in a nice and quiet sector of the Capital, not too far from Gaster’s school and just a short train ride to the bar Grillby worked at. Ha… A few years ago, as a kid striving to set out on his own in a backwater village, he’d never imagined that his life would end up like this. Of course, he never thought that he’d end up married to the weird nerd eyeing him across the bar either, but…

 

After a short elevator ride, Grillby quietly unlocked the door, took off his coat and-  
Just about jumped out of his skin when he was promptly ambushed, shoved back against the door. Holy christ, it scared the hell out of him. Gaster? The skeleton was hugged around him, pressing his head against his chest and humming lowly. Shivering.

“What’s wrong?” Grillby asked assertively, instantly going on red alert. There was definitely something wrong with Gaster’s magic– hence the skeleton smothering and soaking up as much energy through their bond link as possible, which Grillby could feel with a slight pull. And that didn’t entail anything good.

After a minute, Grillby giving him the time to recover as he hugged his shuddering husband to his rapidly beating chest, Gaster mumbled against him, “Sorry… I needed it....”

Internally sighing at Gaster’s damn persistence of never being direct, Grillby carefully guided him to the couch and laid him down. To be fair, he looked and sounded pretty out of it, with heavy eyes and languid movements. 

Grillby put his hand on Gaster’s chest, sensing his field of magic energy, and… well, that was a little relieving. It was pulsing sluggishly, a bit overheated, the magic equivalent of a fever. It wasn’t a good sign, but at least it wasn’t rapidly draining away or combusting or anything like that…

“Gaster, you need to tell me what’s wrong. Does anything hurt? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Grillby was about certain that he’d drag him there anyway, considering Gaster’s uncertain state of mind, unless there was a good explanation for this. 

“Grillby…” Gaster clasped Grillby’s hand over his chest, and the fireman’s heart lurched.   
“I’m fine… Just a lil’ sick. Jus’ needed… a kick.”

Grillby grimaced as Gaster’s eyes started closing.   
“There’s still something wrong. You know something. Gaster, please…”

Gaster frowned, a flurry of emotions conflicting across his face. Grillby stiffened, eager to know but suddenly fearful of the answer.

“I’m… I’m not sure I want to tell you yet. I want t’go to a doctor first, get it… _confirmed_.”

 

Grillby didn’t want to force Gaster into anything, but he was well aware of the skeleton’s habit of undermining serious concerns.  
“I’d rather you tell me and it end up being nothing, than not and finding out it was something that needed to be taken care of.”

“Ah, I don’t think think that’s the case here, actually, mm…”

“...Please just tell me.”

“I’ll go tom’rrow, in the morning…”

“ _Gaster_.”

Grillby could tell that he was winning the argument with the uncertainty in Gaster’s eyes. Whatever it was, Gaster _wanted_ to tell him. With Grillby leaning close and giving him a concerned look, Gaster finally caved and sat up a little.

“Alright, fine… But, I-i’m not positive about it, okay? I don’t know what else it’d be, but… I’ll just show you.”  
Taking a deep breath as Grillby watched him intently, the skeleton starting lifting his pale-yellow shirt, and-  
…  
…  
“Y-you’re pregnant?!”

 

Gaster’s odd, black, semi-transparent stomach was flushed with streaks of violet light, pooling to a centerpoint, and in the middle of the light-storm was a tiny, shimmering soul. A _soul_. A _souling_ , actually… Holy hell.

“I, I-i think so…”

Well, it really wasn’t a question. Unless something was really fucked up, the tiny heart resting in Gaster’s abdomen was unmistakable.

Grillby stared at it, breathless, until Gaster brought him back into focus.  
“What now, then..?”

Grillby looked up at him, then was startled to find his husband nearly in tears. Oh no… Being tired and feverish and… _this_ was probably not a good combination.   
“I d-don’t know… But it’s okay! Hey, com’ere; Gaster, it’s okay…”

And then Grillby held his sobbing husband for the next ten minutes. Honestly, he was about on the verge of tears too, just from shock… Gaster was _pregnant_. 

It...It wasn’t really too unpredictable; it was feasible, all things considered… But it was the last thing he’d ever expected.

 

Eventually Gaster calmed down and just laid humming against his chest. After a good deal of silence he muttered, “I’ll sort this out in the morning… I just need to sleep.”

Grillby could agree to that. He was going to lead the skeleton to bed, but Gaster was snoring before he knew it. Carefully positioning him, Grillby gently pulled away from his husband to collapse into an adjacent armchair. 

Well… Gaster had a good question. What now? There were too many thoughts spiraling through his head to sort anything out, and the shock was still ringing in his mind. Well… he might as well follow Gaster’s lead. Not wanting to leave his side, he settled down in the chair and let the weight of the long day and _very_ unexpected news drag him into a deep sleep.


	2. Sky Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

Grillby didn’t mean for his damn husband to sneak out while he was sleeping, but when he awoke the couch was empty and there was a hastily scribbled note in the kitchen. “Went to the doctor. Didn’t want to wake you. Sorry about last night. Love you – WDG.”

Grillby sighed and slumped into a chair as he looked over the note. Really? Considering that it was eight in the morning, ‘Didn’t want to wake you’ more than likely translated to ‘I woke up early just so you couldn’t go with me.’ As much as he loved him, Gaster was _very_ frustrating sometimes. He’d liked to have gone, just to be there, even if it was pretty much settled…

Suddenly flashing memories of last night broke through his thoughts, and all of the questions and dilemma and confusion came surging back. It was too early for this shit… But he couldn’t help but rub at his head as he gazed out the window and mull through it all again.

 

So, Gaster was pregnant… What were they going to do? They had never, _ever_ exchanged even a passing sentence about this possibility. And really, they didn’t have a reason to, considering the both of them. This was pretty damn rare. While monsters that were what might be called ‘normal-bodied’ had relatively straightforward means of reproduction, monsters that had more obscure and abstract bodies, such as firekin and skeletons, had much more complicated and vague sorts of means. That’s why there weren’t too many of them. Their bodies mostly supported by magic, it was all about soul-binding and intermingling and bonds… and none of it was solid. All chance. Some couples could try their whole life and never get a thing. And then there was… well, _them_. A mere five years down their relationship, just going along without a care, _definitely_ not trying, and ‘Surprise!!!’...

However… As much as he couldn’t imagine himself being a dad, he couldn’t imagine Gaster being a parent either. Yeah, no. Considering everything, this… this could be very short lived. Hell, today even, they could just go to the clinic, take some medication, and it’d be gone, over. They could move on like nothing ever happened.

Agh… Is that what he wanted? Is that what _Gaster_ wanted? He couldn’t say with solid confidence. He never knew what the skeleton would think. He couldn’t imagine him wanting this right now, with school and everything, but… They hadn’t talked about it, so who knew? Maybe Gaster had always wanted kids or something. Hell…

Apparently, even a good night’s sleep couldn’t remedy the muddled storm in his head. He glanced over the note again with a measure of irritation. Damn it, Gaster… And what the hell was the apology for?

 

Screw it. Sitting here wasn’t solving anything. Might as well continue on like normal. Settling into autopilot, Grillby began his usual Saturday morning, despite the lack of a bone-head gibbering in the background. He changed out of his work clothes then made breakfast, deciding to try out something a bit new– he was getting serious about eventually opening his own bar, and was ever eager to test out new recipes with every meal. Gaster wasn’t much of a help, giving an exuberant rating to everything, but Grillby was actually starting to gain a lot of confidence in his abilities. He couldn’t deny that he really needed Gaster’s support though, and not just emotionally… As much as he hated, _hated_ admitting it, Gaster was the only reason he wasn’t living in the streets. He was really scraping when Gaster came into his life, then the skeleton, just a couple of months into their relationship, proposed ‘hey, why don’t you come live with me?’ Previously thinking that he’d hid his struggle well, the fireman was embarrassed, but wasn’t in a position to decline. He didn’t think their relationship would last long, so he figured it’d be just a temporary thing, living it up in a nice apartment in the Capital... He still had no idea why the skeleton had taken such an interest in him, but he was sure as hell glad for it. 

And, of course, he supported his husband too, just mostly on an _emotional_ front. And, though he wasn’t likely to admit it, Gaster needed _a lot_. He was smart and exceedingly capable in his field, but he still needed to lay in Grillby’s lap and be told that every once in awhile. He absolutely craved validation and praise. He never told Gaster this, but he found it pretty damn, eh, _cute_. And while Grillby understood his line of work with just as much skill as Gaster could mix a drink (otherwise stated, _none_ ), it only made him more impressed with his husband’s achievements. He worked hard with three jobs, two that didn’t even pay: school, an ‘actual’ job at the downtown lab, and then a side project he was working on with some partners. Grillby had tried to get involved with Gaster’s work before, but in the end it was easier to put down all the math and science-speak and appreciate from a distance.

 

And a kid… would just complicate everything. Gaster would have to give up a lot, and lord knew he couldn’t stay idle for long. It wouldn’t be temporary, either– for at least the next twenty years, they’d have to set everything down and make an attempt to raise a child, with neither knowing what the hell they were doing. Yeah… It was pretty settled in Grillby’s mind by the time he sat down to his omelette and coffee. He couldn’t see Gaster wanting it. Maybe some day, a couple of years down the road, but… not right now. They were just starting to get the hang of things, and they had the rest of their lives to start the long and rough path of parenting. 

 

After finishing breakfast Grillby curled up on the couch with his current read, trying to smother the anxiety that only waxed with time. He was just ending the chapter when the door was being unlocked. The action wasn’t finished, because the book was immediately thrown to the side and the door was thrust open before shaky hands could even turn the key.

“...Hey,” Gaster muttered.

“Hey…” Grillby stepped back, guilty at his own abruptness. Gaster looked exhausted. His husband silently tossed took off his coat and leaned over the back of the couch. 

Eagerness dying down to sympathy, Grillby gently approached his seething partner and rubbed his back. He hummed as he felt the bony spine relax beneath his touch and the high-strung field of magic lull to calming hues. Then, feeling Gaster lean against him, he led the skeleton to the other side of the couch and sat down with open arms. He knew the drill. Gaster gladly took the invitation and settled right between his legs, laying his head against the fireman’s chest. 

“So.” Gaster murmured after a minute.  
“So. What’d you find out?” Grillby hummed, still stroking his husband’s back.  
“Well… It’s, i-it’s a baby…”

Of course, that’s what Grillby was expecting. Any other answer would have been ten times more alarming. And yet, Grillby found his chest clenching with an involuntary gasp, as another heavy load of reality came crashing down on his mind. Gaster’s grip tightened around him.

After a minute of silence, Grillby asked quietly,  
“Anything else?”  
“Mm… Just the usual procedure. Confirmed it, told me my options, gave me some pamphlets and optional reading, and a… hearty congrats.”

At that, Gaster smothered his face against Grillby’s shirt and groaned. Grillby huffed and rubbed the skeleton’s shoulder blades… really unsure about where to take the discussion. Gaster wasn’t giving a clear position. Was he upset? Happy? Angry?

“I’m sorry about last night,” Gaster suddenly muttered.  
“Yeah, I saw that… What for, exactly?”  
“I wasn’t in the best mental state, but still… It was a pretty shitty way of you finding out. It’s supposed to be like a big surprise or something, I kind of botched it.”  
“Tch… So, we have a baby.”  
“...Yep.”

 

Grillby paused his stroking and took a deep breath.  
“What do we do now?”  
“Heh… I still don’t know.”

Grillby didn’t really want to rush things, but the big question was searing under his skin.  
“How do you feel about it all?”

Gaster hesitated in the midst of his shirt, then rolled over on his back to take the fireman’s hand and scrutinize it with slender, slightly trembling fingers.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I don’t know what to think, what to do… Why didn’t we ever talk about this? We should have talked about this.”

Grillby placed his free hand over the skeleton’s chest, hoping to calm the surge of frustration.  
“Well, it wasn’t exactly expected, considering our biology. It was the furthest thing from my mind…”  
“True… And you? What are your thoughts?”  
“I… I’m still in shock. Can’t really wrap my head around it. And there’s the big question… Are we going to keep it?”

Gaster inhaled sharply, then released it shakily. His grip on Grillby’s hand tightened, and the fireman gave the same force back. 

“That _is_ the question… Let’s go over the factors.”

Grillby stiffened with Gaster’s sudden change in tone, recognizing it instantly. It was W.D. Gaster, a genius theoretical physicist, incredibly analytical and systematic. And absolute shit at emotions. This wasn’t exactly the person he wanted right now, usually preferring WingDin Gaster, the awkward but lovable husband, but… maybe it _could_ sort some things out.

“Alright…”  
“With me going to school and working, and you working, a child would inevitably interfere with our schedules. I’d likely have to take next semester off, go on leave for the lab, and put my project off for a while. To watch over it, you’d either have to quit your job, which definitely isn’t ideal, or hire someone. Which leads into another factor– finance. We’re financially sound, but the expenses of raising a child will definitely take a toll. Considering that we’re not prepared _at all_ , it’s going to take a fuck-ton of work– childproofing, clothes, the nursery– everything. And it’s only going to stack up through the years. Now, adoption is an option… But pregnancy itself is very risky. There’s a plethora of things that can go abhorrently wrong, and just the normal process is tasking. I can already feel the effects of magic drainage, and it’s been three weeks at the most…”

Gaster paused and looked up at Grillby, his pupils dim with distraction. 

“So…”

Grillby ran back over it in his head, then smirked despite the solemnity.  
“You didn’t list any good factors.”  
Gaster grimaced.  
“I couldn’t think of any.”  
Yep, that was W.D. Gaster. 

“Well, Din… A lot of people find a sense of joy and purpose in the idea of raising a child. Passing genes and history, all of that...”  
Grillby paused, then stretched back and settled into a tone of finality. 

“But, it sounds like you’ve got your mind pretty settled.”  
“What do you mean by that?”  
“Considering that you just listed off a bunch of disadvantages and couldn’t think of anything good, and your whole uncertainty about the whole thing… I’m guessing you don’t want to go through with this.”

Gaster nervously flickered his eyes back to Grillby’s hand, his heart picking up in beat.  
“We could do it today, if you want. Or we can wait a while. Whatever you want,” Grillby hummed.  
“Would… Would you be okay with that?”  
“Your decision. ‘Cause I sure as hell don’t know.”  
“So then… You’d be okay with keeping it, too?”

That caught Grillby off guard.  
“Y-yeah, I guess?”  
“You guess?”  
“Sorry, just caught me off guard. I haven’t really considered that… If it’s what you want…”  
“Are you ready to be a parent?”  
_Hell no_. Okay, rushing the conversation was a bad idea. He’d thought everything would clear up, but now even more questions and uncertainty were emerging. He was starting to get a little frustrated. Christ…

“I don’t know… Maybe we’re rushing things. I need some time to think over it. I…”  
“Well, I don’t know either Grillby.”

Gaster abruptly pushed himself up and scooted to face Grillby on the opposite side of the couch.  
“But I want to wait a little while before settling on anything. Definitely not anything today. At least a couple of weeks. We’ve got plenty of time to decide, and I’d rather think this through then do something we’ll regret. I’ll be perfectly honest… I’m strongly leaning towards not keeping it. But I’ll think about it. Until then… we can talk whenever, or we can completely ignore it and go on like normal. I’ll leave _that_ up to you.”

Well… There was a massive release of relief in Grillby with that concluding statement. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. Take a few weeks, make a firm decision, and everything would work out. Whether they kept the kid or not, he had an amazing husband that could get through anything. And they’d be fine. 

Gaster looked a lot happier too, likely even more relieved than Grillby to have this all sorted out. 

One last thing… It’d been edging on Grillby since last night, and now he was almost too apprehensive to bring it up. But Gaster had caught his pointed gaze and was looking at him expectantly. 

“Mm, what?”  
Grillby rubbed at the back of his head as a bluish blush crept up his neck. He wasn’t even sure why he found it embarrassing, but…  
“Can I see it again?”  
Gaster blinked in surprise.  
“My stomach?”  
“Yeah. I’m just, uh, curious…”

Taken back a bit, Gaster lifted his shirt and revealed the brilliant play of magic. The tiny soul was still sitting in the middle, shimmering with hypered energy. 

“It’s kind of cool,” Grillby murmured as he watched the sparks and novas of violet energy flourish beneath the barrier. He’d never seen it up close, and only superficially in those god-awful sexual education weeks in biology. 

 

Grillby looked up to see something stirring in Gaster’s eyes, something even he didn’t recognize. The skeleton gently pressed one fingertip to the surface and studied the traces of light that gathered at his touch.

“It _is_ rather fascinating…”  
“...Want to go out to lunch?”  
“Yes,” Gaster practically slammed down his shirt and grabbed his coat before Grillby could move. 

Snickering softly, Grillby grabbed his own and followed his husband out the door, hugging an arm around his tall shoulder. God, he loved him. Everything was a little more complicated than usual, but they’d get through it just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated. (Read: I love interacting with people pls talk to meh ;-;)  
> Also I’m stationed up on tumblr with the same username, so drop by if you want.  
> 2/15/16  
> Sorry guys, got hit with a busload of schoolwork, it might be a few more days for Chapter 3.


	3. Emerald

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaster figures some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my LORD sorry for this being so late! School was hell this week. Taking a different perspective in this chapter, I hope the big flashback isn’t confusing, and a brief introduction to Ko(kila). I hope you like her.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Get up at seven, a quick breakfast, rush to get dressed and packed, head out, walk (sometimes jog) a few blocks, first class at eight. Lunch at noon, spent studying in the library of course, last class at two. Head back home for two hours, have a little leisure time, then head off to catch the train going downtown. Work in the lab for four hours, mostly mundane busywork lately, then walk a short distance to the building where ‘the project’ was stationed. Talk with Ko until Idri shows up, work on the project till midnight, maybe one, _maybe_ until Ko kicked him out, then it was back home. Unless Grillby was off, he’d find some leftovers to scarf down, then head off to bed soon after. Tuesdays and Thursdays, get up around 10, do some absent-minded tasks to order his thoughts, then classes 2-4:30. After that it was schoolwork, until seven when Grillby got up. Get a little bonding time with his husband, have a good dinner, then Grillby left at 11pm, and he would go to bed about an hour later. 

It was busy busy busy, but that was exactly the way Gaster liked it. Engaged enough that he wouldn’t be idle, something he couldn’t stand, flexible enough that he wouldn’t get too stressed, another thing he couldn’t stand. The weekend was his big time to unwind, spending as much time with Grillby as possible, going out to town, ‘living a little’ as his husband jested. It was nice, but he’d be glad to be right back into the routine of the weekdays. He’d been running like this for three years, and it was settled right into his marrow. 

And now it was all falling apart. 

_Okay_... Maybe that was a little dramatic. It was just… he was definitely starting to slow down, and everything was dragging. He was struggling to keep up. He was unusually tired, achy, moody, and _christ_ he was always hungry, which was definitely a new experience for him. And his routine was being affected. He’d been late to class twice. He had to leave work early a few times so that he didn’t end up asleep on the lab table. The worst was canceling with the ‘project’ group several times, being just too sleepy and hungry and resultingly pissed off. 

And people were starting to notice. ‘It’s just a little bug’ wasn’t going to work for much longer. Ko definitely knew something was up, it was only a matter of time before she confronted him about it. Rang kept giving him questioning glances as he struggled to keep his eyes open and made stupid mistakes. Even his classmates, most of which he hardly knew, were starting to give him concerned looks and hushed whispers. 

And oh, poor Grillby… He was ignoring all of it as much as possible, but he was still doing his best to be the loving and caring husband he always was. Despite all of Gaster’s (not so assertive) protesting, he started waking up in the mornings with him to cook breakfast, the meals were subtly bigger, the skeleton was consistently asked if he needed anything, and the fireman was practicing incredible self-control to not be scorned by Gaster’s increasingly frequent snapping. He was trying hard, and Gaster greatly appreciated it. 

But there was something with the fireman that was really, really starting to edge on Gaster lately, something he couldn’t really confront but was driving him crazy… Grillby, very pointedly, wouldn’t touch him. Which was obscure behaviour for the usually-cuddly fireman. And it was getting downright frustrating, because Gaster was constantly _craving_ his touch; it’d only escalated since that first night. It wasn’t even sexual. He wasn’t quite sure of the nature of it, but he’d get a sharp jolt if he so much as sensed Grillby’s magic nearby. It was likely the pregnancy’s doing, naturally reaching for as much excess magic as possible. Grillby’s magic would probably help a lot actually, with the aches and drowsiness… But, despite everything else the fireman was doing, he just refused to come into contact with him. Okay, yes, Gaster was normally averse to excessive touching, making an exception on weekends, but Gaster was trying to make his intentions as clear as possible, without outright blurting ‘ _Please cuddle me, goddamn it!_ ’... He wanted to respect his boundaries, but considering that his husband would usually be jumping all over this opportunity, it was really starting to bother him. What was it? Did the idea of Gaster’s pregnancy disturb him so much that he couldn’t even lay a finger on him?

If that was the case, things were going to get interesting. Then, Grillby’s supposed middleground, the ‘it’s up to you’ stance wasn’t so truly neutral. And speaking of things Grillby wouldn’t ‘touch’... He hadn’t said a single word about the pregnancy since that one morning. That was four weeks ago, and while, yes, Gaster said it was perfectly okay to go on like nothing was happening, an unspoken tension was starting to build with the passing days. It hung in the air, right in their faces, and they were going to suffocate if they ignored it much longer. Perhaps outright ignoring it hadn’t been the best choice. And they really, really needed to talk about it. Everything had got _so_ much more complicated, because…

Because…

Damn it. He wanted to go through with the pregnancy. 

When he first saw that tiny glow, just so happening to catch his eye in the mirror that morning, he was nothing but shocked. It explained everything– the lull in his magic, the headaches, the sudden craving for Grillby’s warmth… But he still couldn’t fucking believe it. It just wouldn’t compute. No, it’s not that it was impossible… It wasn’t even _that_ surprising, all factors considered. He and Grillby were very affectionate with eachother, they’d been together for some time, and the consistent mingling of their magic had resulted in _this_. It was simple, in theory. 

Yet, with all those plausible and not so significant factors, he remained paralyzed in denial for a good deal of time. Not him, no, why him?! And when the shock started wearing off, and reality began creeping in his marrow like lead, a new emotion settled in its place— fear.

His dread built up through the day, the fever only making his thoughts more drastic, until he was worked into a full anxiety attack when he got home. What was he going to do? He couldn’t raise a kid! Hell, he couldn’t even _give birth_ , it was fucking crazy! _Pregnancy?_ The word was foreign and bitter on his tongue. Oh god, what was he going to do? There were so many implications and factors spinning through his head as he paced around the house, ready to pass out. He couldn’t do this, no way in hell, he just couldn’t. _What was he going to do?_

Then it hit him, right upside the head, and the sky cleared beautifully. It was easy, startlingly easy. He _didn’t have to_ do this. No, just a short trip to the clinic uptown and a little shot later, and it’d be over. He could forget all about this. Thank god, he didn’t have to do this. 

The thought was enough to ease him off the anxiety attack, and he was firmly settled on it when Grillby got home that night. The visit to the doctor only strengthened his decision. Looking down to see this _thing_ , growing _inside_ him, leeching off his magic, making him tired and achy and moody– it was terrifying. The words the doctor frivolously threw around didn’t help anything either.

But, he was rational. As much as the situation disturbed him, he decided against hastiness. In the very least, he wanted Grillby’s thoughts on it. His husband more or less agreeing with him, his confidence in his decision was rock solid. He’d give it a few weeks, just to let his thoughts settle. See, nothing to worry about. They’d be fine. The little accident would be taken care of, and they could go on. 

 

He wasn’t quite sure where it all started– maybe with Grillby’s odd and brief captivation that morning after. It drew his attention to the fact that, despite how unsettling the situation was to Gaster, the idea itself was rather _fascinating_. Very fascinating, and with many facets to explore. And while he determinedly ignored it those first few days, following in his husband’s footsteps, it began working into his mind more and more. Sure, he wasn’t planning on ‘partaking’ in this experience for much longer, but as a naturally inquisitive person, he became increasingly enamoured with the phenomenon. It was something he didn’t know a lot about, so he was curious. Just curious. At first. 

His husband’s avoidant behaviour had begun to edge on him, so he saved his little observations for when he was home alone. Up until this point, around the six weeks mark, the souling wasn’t active by any means– it just sat idle in his middle, swathed in his magic. He’d play around with the energy, touching the surface, watching tendrils of light form between his touch and the soul. Eventually, he realized that it was sending out its own magic– mostly recycled from his own, but also with a hint of Grillby’s in it. That astonished him, for some reason he couldn’t quite pin. He also began developing an awareness of the souling– just a presence in the back of his mind, strengthening each day. 

These instances grew more frequent over time, and his infatuation deepened. And yet, stubbornly, he kept a distant, repulsed stance; thank god, it’d be over in a few weeks. He hated it so much. He couldn’t wait for it to be over. Etcetera.

Then a few weeks dwindled to a couple. There wasn’t a set date or anything, but he knew Grillby would inevitably bring it up soon, and they’d come to their ultimate decision. And as time began scrunching and tension rose, he finally, _finally_ came to his heart-wrenching revelation. 

He was on his way to school, lost in musing as usual. As of late, he was continuously going over the potential conversation and outcomes in his head. Usually, the end of the conversation was where his mind stopped, but this time it pushed on. Taking the train uptown, going to the clinic, gripping his husband’s hand tightly in nervous but relieved excitement as they filled everything out, then he’d be taken back, affirmation, and a simple little needle prick. And then–

…

A-and then…

And that’s when everything shattered. The little idealistic facade he’d held on to crumbled to pieces, the emotion he’d dammed up came crashing through, and it all snapped apart. It hit him so hard and suddenly, he had to stop walking and grip a wall to steady himself as his head reeled. Oh, god…

The next step in his little fantasy, the souling would be gone. Forever. And…  
Gaster realized that stupid, stupid he had gotten attached, affection slipping between the cracks of his barrier of indifference. His heart lurched at the thought of terminating the little light that he’d been observing and sensing these past weeks. He might never conceive again, this might be his last chance. No…

Well, this was fucking news to him, who was under the happy impression that he wanted the thing out of him by the end of the week. This was definitely, _definitely_ not a factor he was counting on. He never expected this. Yet here he was, panic and dread lugging through his heart as he realized that he couldn’t do it… He wanted this kid. _Shit._

Severely mentally disrupted, he ended up going back home to pace around the house (very quietly, Grillby still being asleep) and think, trying to fight off another anxiety attack. (They couldn’t be good for the souling, right? God…) His mind felt like it was splitting apart with indecision. Agh! He didn’t know! The thought of termination filled him with dread. The thought of keeping the damn thing filled him with dread. 

Why now? Why did his confidence have to shatter now, when he was happy and ready to go through with it? If only he had done it yesterday…

All of these wonderfully distressing and confusing thoughts, eloquently complemented with the teetering of his emotion caused by the thing that was distressing him in the first place, was how Grillby came, stumbling in confused, to find Gaster at the kitchen table sobbing at nine in the morning. He wasn't ashamed of it, because expected the fireman to cradle and comfort him. So when Grillby instead just quirked his brows and kept a distance, _not_ wrapping him in his strong arms and telling him everything was going to be okay, it resulted in a slammed door and a very distraught husband. Yeah, that only made matters worse… 

That was a few days ago, and things hadn’t got better. Yes, he was sure now, he wanted to keep the kid. He had _no_ idea in hell what he was doing, or even why, but he couldn’t let go. What had he gotten himself into?

...

“Hey… You seem really distracted tonight. What’s on your mind?”

Ko’s voice snapped him from his thoughts back to the present. He was having his hour with Ko, before they started working on the project. He was tired as hell, after a long day at work, but he really needed to come after skipping out twice, to quell Ko’s suspicions if anything. So, yeah, he was a little distracted. 

“Oh, just thinking, y’know.”  
Ko snorted at that.  
“Yeah, sure. That big brain of yours is never at rest, eh?”

He loved Ko. The old skeleton was the pillar of this project, supporting all the technical things that kept them running, and she was the smartest person he knew. She knew him better than anyone else, probably even Grillby. And that’s why he was terrified of her right now. If there was anyone who would figure out the situation and/or call him out on his bullshit, it was her. And he _really_ wasn’t ready to deal with that right now. 

“Ah, well… This bug’s really killing me, has my brain all fogged up.”  
“Still sick? Well, don’t go throwing up on the schematics. Call it off if you need to call it off.”  
“Nah, I’m fine, mostly just a headache. I’ve taken enough time off this week.”  
“Alright, whatever you say Kid. I’m going to go ahead and start, since you’re so stuck in your head. What’re you working on tonight?”  
“Auh, blueprints for the vents. You?”  
“I think I’m going to start testing with the thermal models. By the way, any luck thinking of a name?”  
“ _A n-name?_ ”  
“You know… A better name than the damn ‘project’?”  
“Oh, yeah, heh… I’ve been playing around with some things… Maybe ‘the heart,’ or something?”  
“Egotistical. I like it. Maybe you should be working on that instead of getting your diseases everywhere. I’ll leave you to it, scatterbrain.”

Gaster exhaled in relief as the skeleton left, and quickly retreated to his little work office. Papers upon papers, schematics and reports and books, were all piled around the room in varying degrees of disarray. His life’s work…  
Suddenly caught in the moment, his hand cradled his stomach as he looked around. What would he be giving up for this child? Those initial doubts were still very heavy in his mind. He was committing to a journey that would affect the whole rest of his life. It’d take an unfathomable amount of time, effort, and _change_. He didn’t feel like he was ready, but he wouldn’t ever be ready; it was risky, scary, and thrillingly exciting. 

Sighing softly to himself, he settled at his desk and dove into his work.  
\----------------------------------  
“Heh… How those blueprints coming along?”

Gaster awoke with a jump. Shit… He didn’t even realize he was dozing off. Lifting his heavy head off the desk, he glanced past Ko’s smirk at the clock. 12:30…

“A-ah, sorry, fuck…”  
Tsking, Ko reached to pull the schematic he’d been working on from under his elbows.  
“Eh, I guess I can excuse ya. Good work here… Mm, but that’s not going to work.”  
Ko pointed out a particular circuit to him, and damn, she was right. Such a simple mistake too…

“Sorry Ko… I was really out of it tonight. I’ll stay over and fix i–”  
“Nah, I don’t think so.”

Ko set the print to the side and pulled up a chair next to him, concern filling her old contours. Oh, oh no. Panic started beating in his chest—

“I know you probably don’t believe it, but these yellowed bones are pretty observant. And you can jitter on about ‘a little bug’ all you want, I didn’t believe you the first time. You’ve worn that thin. Canceling, falling asleep, getting distracted,– come on, Kid. I don’t know what, but clearly _something’s_ wrong.”

Well, this was a predicament. He wouldn’t get away with telling her he was ‘fine’ any more. He still couldn’t just tell her, not when even Grillby didn’t know his decision. So…

“Ko… O-okay, yeah, something’s going on. But I, I’m still sorting things out. And I’m going to get that done very soon, and then I’ll tell everyone. I promise, okay? I just can’t tell you yet.”

Ko raised her brows in curiosity, but was thankfully satisfied with that. She leaned forward a bit, her apparent concern deepening. 

“Alright, if you insist… But are you _okay_? I worry about you Kid, a lot. Nothing really bad, is it? Family, finance, medical?”  
“No, no, nothing like that. It’s… it’s a good thing.”

Humming with relief, Ko stood up and offered her hand.  
“Well, I guess as long as no one’s dyin’, I’m not too concerned. Come on. I’ve gotta get home, and I’m not leaving you to drool all over the paperwork.”

Snickering, Gaster took her offer and followed her as they closed up the building, then went into the quiet night. It was late March, and the Long River was brimming and permeating the air with the rich smell of damp stone and moss. Ko kept a trivial conversation as they walked to the train station, but he didn’t miss her sweeping glances. He wasn’t ‘showing’ yet, but his belly had gained the slightest slope, and he had his coat nervously hugged around him. 

He and Ko departed at the train station, and he was very thankful to be home when he finally trudged through the door. Despite his spontaneous two-hour nap, he felt drained. Hell, he might just skip out tomorrow. He needed a long, long nap. There was one thing he was definitely looking forward to, if the ‘big talk’ went well… He _really_ needed that extra kick of Grillby’s magic. He hated to be dependent on anyone, but, considering that he was carrying a developing _being_ inside him, he probably deserved a little help. 

He threw his stuff to the side, slipped on some pajamas and collapsed on the bed. He thought, _hoped_ he’d drift off quickly, but his mind had other plans as pervasive thoughts filled the silence, and he was left staring at the ceiling…

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d sit down, and, straightforward and simple, tell Grillby that he wanted to keep the baby. _Baby…_ He still stumbled over the word. Baby. His baby. Their baby. The tiny thing growing in his abdomen. Right. 

Nervous energy flitting through his strung nerves, he sat churning in his head endlessly, until he heard the front door open. Cradling his tired head, he glanced at the clock. 3am, christ…

He was surprised when the bedroom door quietly opened, and a warm body crawled into bed. Grillby shouldn’t be going to bed for another couple of hours…

“Hey,” hummed a low, cooing voice. Gaster nearly jumped with the sweeping touch along his arm, just with how intently his own magic latched onto it. 

Softly shuddering, he turned over to face the fireman, who was propped on his elbow and gazing at him softly. Oh… Gaster’s heart melted. He’d been pissed and tense with Grillby, but he just couldn’t brush off the tender affection in that look.

“Rough day?” Grillby asked.  
“Long… Can’t sleep for some reason. You?”  
“Yeah, it’s been long. Had to go in early, had a lot of people out, then tensions started rising over some stupid sports game. We managed to keep it down, but there were a few outbursts here and there… What’s on your mind?”  
“Ah, just… Everything, y’know.”  
“The baby?”

Gaster about choked on his gasp. Oh, god, he wasn’t expecting that, not now… His heart suddenly about to burst out of his chest, he couldn’t look away from Grillby’s gentle but steady gaze as he stumbled over words in his head. 

“N-n...Y...Yes,” he admitted quietly.  
Grillby nodded slowly, pulling a little closer to lay his head down.  
“So, it’s been a ‘few weeks’...”  
“Yeah…”  
“Have you changed your mind?” 

Grillby’s tone wasn’t pressing or suggestive or apprehensive, only utterly neutral. But Gaster was panicking. He thought he was so ready to have this conversation and make his assertions, but his confidence was falling to pieces all over again. He wasn’t ready for this, fuck...  
He was starting to breathe hard and blur into his mind, but the squeeze of a warm hand snapped him back into focus, and he found his words. 

“Grillby, I… I want to keep it.”

 

Grillby’s white eyes flared with shock.  
“Really?” he whispered.  
“Is there something wrong, with that?”  
“N-no, I-I just… Wasn’t expecting that. At all.”

Oh, hell… Damn his tired and frazzled mind, he was in no state to be dealing with this. Tears started gathering at Gaster’s sockets. He tried to hide his face in the covers, but his husband wasn’t having it, lifting his face as the first tear escaped. 

“Oh, hey, hey,”  
Grillby moved to wrap the skeleton in his arms, and holy hell… it felt amazing. The flood of magic that rivered over his body sent shockwaves of relief through his whole system. That, and the warmth of the fireman… It was absolutely euphoric. He’d never appreciated it so much before. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Grillby hummed as he rubbed his back. Gaster nodded and snuggled deeper against his husband. Oh, he felt so much better now…

Regaining his composure, he sighed,  
“I’m fine. Just emotional. It’s been a rough… month.”  
“Mm… So you _do_ want to keep the baby?”  
“Yeah, I do.”  
“Okay, then… What changed your mind?”  
“I kind of, sort of… accidentally bonded with it.”  
“Heh… And you’re positive this is what you want?”  
“I’ve thought a lot about this Grillby, too much… I’m positive.”

“Alright,” Grillby said softly, then laid a gentle kiss on Gaster’s skull that sent blissful shivers through his nerves. “Just making sure. We can talk about it more later. Let’s just get some sleep.”

Glad for the suggestion, Gaster let his heavy eyes close and relaxed in his husband’s arms. They drifted off like that, wrapped around eachother with their creation nestled between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried new spacing.  
> Will try to be not so late on the next one, christ.  
> Comments are very appreciated.


	4. Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaster is _still_ figuring things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 6am and I don't really know what's going on right now. Hope it's you like it.

_Alright… Just do it. Just get it over with, and everything will be fine._

“Oh, hey Gaster! What can I do for you?”  
“Hi, Tera… What’s the lab’s maternity policy?”

 

It started out well. Easy, smooth, non anxiety-inducing. He just got everything ‘documented,’ filled out some paperwork, received some information about lab safety, and then it was all set and over. That was it, he thought, and he’d go through the rest of the day like normal. 

Now he was ready to run out and lock himself in the bedroom for a couple of hours. 

Seriously… He woke up this morning, actually _excited_ and feeling good for once, ready for his ‘big reveal’ day. Today was the day he was going to tell everyone. By ‘everyone’ he meant, of course, the very small group of people that were actually relevant in his life, so ‘big reveal’ was a bit of an exaggeration… But he was still nervous as hell. School went easy enough– he just told his two favorite professors, who were surprised but overtly happy for him. At work he’d just get it reported, _maybe_ tell a certain person, and then he’d get to tell his project team. Not too hard. Right?

No. No, because people couldn’t keep their goddamned mouths shut. Someone must've picked up on his conversation with Tera, some way or another, and now the whole fucking lab knew. By his break, when he usually sat content and peaceful by himself, people had gained the nerve to _track him down_ and _swarm_ around him to give ‘Congratulations!’ and ‘Wow, what a surprise!’ and so many goddamn questions he didn’t have the answer to… Five minutes in, he excused himself to his lab to lock the door and huddle against the counter, softly banging his head back and smothering the threat of tears. Fuck…

Okay, yeah, they’d all figure it out eventually, when his belly looked like a bowling ball, but not _today_ , all at once! He’d usually handle it much better, but, wouldn’t you know it, anxiety and stress had worn him thread-thin over the past weeks, and it was only getting worse. This event was _really_ pushing the brink. Christ, this was supposed to be the one good day…

He jumped when the door suddenly opened and the lights turned on. He was unable to scramble to his feet before Rang turned around and saw him, so he just gave up and hugged his knees. Fuck it. 

His lab partner stared at him for a moment before grimacing and quirking his brows.  
“Um, Wingdin?”  
“Mm?”  
“You, uh, okay there?”  
Gaster sighed and grasped the countertop to pull himself up. He wasn’t as achy as usual, but his body was having a hell of a time adjusting to this new weight. 

“I’m fine. What are we doing today?”  
“Are...Aren’t you supposed to be on break?”  
“Let’s just get started.”

He could tell from the way the waterspirit was looking at him that he’d already heard the _good news_. That wasn’t surprising. Rang was the one person here he was considering telling, and now the opportunity was ripped from him. 

After a moment, Rang shook himself and began listing off the day’s tasks. Nothing significant. 

It was mundane, but he was actually happy to start diving into his work. It helped him focus, smothering his anxiety and anger with numbers and analytical data. His favorite escape.  
And that was all dandy, until–  
“Oh, Gaster! Congratulations, by the way!”  
Someone popped their head into the lab and _interrupted his work_ to chirp that at him. Gritting his teeth, he tried to brush it off and get back into focus, but just a little later–  
“Hey, Gaster, heard the good news!”  
Then,  
“Hey, good luck to the new mom!”  
“Thanks,” Gaster muttered, as he did everything in his power to not lose his supposed calm or break down in tears. The paper scrunched beneath his shaking hands as he hunched over the table, vision blurred. Fuck. He couldn’t deal with this. He was tipping over the edge. He...He had to leave, he couldn’t, couldn’t, fuck-

“Hey, you don’t look so good…”

Rang, ever vigilant, came right to his side as Gaster forcefully slowed his breathing. Oh, Rang… Ever since the one incident where he had a total breakdown, his lab partner had been keen to pick up on the skeleton’s distress. Heh… It was good to know someone was watching out for him. 

Gaster took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face as Rang watched him carefully. Rang’s presence rooted him enough that he was able to take a step back and _not_ fling himself over the edge.  
“I-I’m just… Overwhelmed, I guess, mm...”  
Rang paused for a moment, tapping the table, then quietly asked,  
“Hey, then… You wanna skip out? Go to the Cafe, or something?”  
Gaster looked up in surprise. Oh, this was new…

“A-ah, there’s just an hour-and-a-half left, anyway, I think I’ll make it…”  
“Yeah, there’s just an hour-and-a-half— so skipping out won’t be such a big deal. It’s not like we’re doing anything important here anyway.”  
“Really though, I’ve t-taken enough time off as it is, I…”  
“Come on. I’ll go get it arranged. You _really_ don’t need to be going into an anxiety attack.”

Rang started leaving before the skeleton could protest. Gaster forced a sigh, but deep relief was washing over him. Thank god…

His lab partner came back as Gaster finished tidying up. “All set. We can go out back.”  
Utterly unsure on how to thank him, Gaster just grabbed his bag and followed. He’d never been _that_ close to Rang, he’d hardly consider them friends… He was a great guy though. Maybe he should start a friendship. Or something. 

 

The evening streets of downtown Capital were pleasant; not too crowded, but busy enough to give the atmosphere a welcomed liveliness. He and Grillby hadn’t been out for weeks…

His spirit lifted, he and Rang were nearly at Mugs, when the waterspirit suddenly stopped with a frown.  
“Oh, shit, I totally forgot… Caffeine isn’t good for the, uh, y’know…”  
It wasn’t? Gaster didn’t know that. Gaster didn’t know anything. Fucking hell.  
“Well, y’like slushes?”  
That sounded just as good, since coffee was apparently off the menu, so they headed to Snow Mud’s just over, ordered, and found a nice bench to rest on. 

They busied themselves with their drinks for a while, but Gaster could feel the weight of the inevitable discussion pressing between them. He was getting real tired of all of this goddamn tension in his life… At least this one wouldn’t be so bad. 

“So,” Rang finally started after ten minutes, “I, uh, obviously already found out about the, _thing_. Sorry about that…”  
Gaster shook his head, frustration twitching in his energy.  
“It’s not your fault. People can’t keep their goddamn mouths shut…”  
“Yeah, I figured that’s what happened… I didn’t think you were the one who posted the big announcement on the board.”

God… Gaster buried his head in his hands and groaned. The worst part, this would have lasting effects. It’d go on for weeks, weeks of these damned people… _just trying to be nice to him._ Christ.

“Do you… want to talk about it? I-I mean, it’s fine if you don’t, it’s just, maybe, y’know…”  
Talk about it? God… Yes, he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to scream about it. He wanted to be held as he cried for hours about it.  
“Um, sure, I guess, if you’re curious…”  
“Alright… How far along?”  
Gaster pressed along his jawline as he reflected.  
“Seven weeks, give or take a few days. I found out around the two-week mark, according to the doctor… Heh, just woke up one morning and happened to see it in the mirror…”  
Rang huffed.  
“Man, I can’t imagine… So, then, all things considered, I’m guessing this is a good thing? ”

Gaster hummed and he leaned forward on his elbows, smiling warmly, genuinely.  
“I didn’t ever think that I’d want this, not in a thousand years. It was something that’d never crossed my mind, you know? When I first found out… Honestly, I was so shocked and scared, I didn’t want anything to do with it. But, then, stupid me decided to wait a few weeks first, and I ended up getting attached… So it didn’t start out so well, but yeah, I’m happy now.”  
“That’s good. You’ve got a partner right? That bartender?”  
Oh… Gaster’s face went blank as his fist curled at his stomach.  
“Mmhm. My husband, Grillby.”  
“Is he excited about it?”

Well, there it was. Right to the chase. The one question he was dreading, and the one question he was so hoping to be asked. Because he really, _really_ needed to get this off his chest. 

He’d thought everything would be magically fixed, after he told Grillby and he seemingly reacted so well. They’d talk about it in the morning, he said. And Gaster went to sleep that night, a huge weight lifted, content and excited that they’d crossed the barrier and were looking at a new, shining path. 

Except, they didn’t talk about it in the morning. Gaster woke up to such a familiar routine, he’d completely forgotten about the night before until it struck him at lunch. _Nothing had changed._ There was no excitement, no revelations, no new atmosphere. Grillby hadn’t said a word about it.  
Well, Gaster had enthusiastically thought, hell, he’d forgotten about it, maybe Grillby did too. Maybe he needed some more time to adjust, it was a huge bombshell after all. It’d be more convenient to wait till later anyway. 

But, that evening, everything still felt dreadfully familiar. The fucking _tension_ , that he thought he was done with for good... Not only was it back, but it was worse. He didn’t feel the stress of Grillby’s ignorance anymore, but now Grillby’s _lack of acknowledgement_ dug into him so much worse. Despite the tender holding and touching of the night before, Grillby reverted right back to reticence and deliberate distance. Well, maybe the next day… No. The next day? No. It’d been over a week now. Nothing had changed. 

And this was _devastating_ to Gaster. All of his stress and anxiety and pervasive thoughts were pushing him to the brink. And he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Gaster stirred out of his fleeting thoughts as Rang gave him a concerned look. Gaster couldn’t keep his deep distress from echoing in his expression. 

“No…?”  
Gaster sighed, holding his head again.  
“It’s… It’s complicated.”  
“Oh… that doesn’t sound good…”  
“...I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I’m… I’m not sure I can go through with this.”

Shit… He tightly pressed his fingers against his clenched sockets as tears began flowing. Well, this wasn’t too surprising. He’d been doing an awful lot of this lately. 

“Oh, hey…! Aw, shit, man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”  
Gaster just shook his head, huddling deep against himself.  
Rang hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder and softly spoke after a moment,  
“Hey… I know I don’t have, like, _any_ experience in this, but trust me– everything will turn out okay. It always does, right? It all seems dark and hopeless when you’re stuck in the middle of it, but when you take a step back and just _breathe_ — you see that, hey, things aren’t so bad. And the big thing is, _you don’t have to go through it alone_. That really sucks, with your husband and all, but I’m sure there’s plenty of people who are always out to help you. And… whatever you need, I’m here too.”

Well… He’d heard the same stupid speech before, but something in it jolted him this time. Rang was right. Whatever happened, everything would be okay. Some things might have to change, and he might have to make some compromises… But in the end, he’d survive, right? And he had Ko and Idri, his professors, Rang apparently… He’d be okay.

Gaster cleared his throat and sat up, wiping the tears from his eyes and taking a deep breath.  
“Thanks, Rang. That’s really good advice. I just need to take a step back and _think_ , and everything will get sorted out eventually.”  
“Right, yeah. Good. So, uh…”

After a moment, Gaster stood up, stretching his back, and held a hand out to Rang. He felt uplifted by Rang’s words– but he was also fucking tired.  
“I think I’m gonna head home. It’s been a long day.”  
“Yeah,” Rang huffed as he hoisted himself up, “it has.”  
“Hey, uh… Thanks. For taking me out, and listening… Thanks _a lot_. Really.”  
“Of course! No problem, Wingdin. Like… Call me if you need anything, alright?”  
“Yeah… See you Monday.”  
“See ya.”

Gaster hummed to himself as he and Rang went separate ways. There was only half an hour till it was time to work on the project, but… Yeah, he wouldn’t last much longer. He just needed the weekend to start. He’d call later. 

He wished he could have held on to that little bit of light that Rang had inspired in him, but it’d turn cold by the time he sat down on the train. Yeah, things would get sorted out… But that didn’t mean that the outcomes would be good. In fact, he didn’t see much of a chance of it ending well. And that’s what scared him so much. And what outcome was he the most convinced of?

Grillby leaving him.

Unless he was totally wrong, and Grillby was actually happy and everything was sunshine and rainbows, that was Gaster’s biggest fear. And, god... what the fuck would he do then? He already decided that he wanted this child. That wasn’t going to change. He wasn’t going to back down on that. But… He couldn’t raise it by himself. He couldn’t do this alone. Rang was right, he had people who would help him, but they could only do so much. Agh… He couldn’t believe he was thinking about this! All these years, he and _his husband_ had hardly had a problem. Then this little thing showed up… and it was all going to hell.

Speaking of the ‘little thing’... Gaster forced himself to calm his sparking magic. Under the discretion of his coat, he gently rubbed his fingertips along his belly, softly grimacing in guilt. He felt so bad… He wasn’t sure how aware they were at this stage, hopefully very little if at all, but still, this emotional wreck couldn’t be good for them. He didn’t really know, though… God, he really need to do research. He needed to do a lot of things. He needed to start _getting ready_ , G… Grillby or not. He had plenty of time, but damn, a month and a half had passed already. 

 

The first thing Gaster heard when he got home was Grillby on the phone in the kitchen. Curious, he quietly crept to the doorway and gave the fireman a questioning look. Grillby, surprised, held up his finger.  
“Mmhm. Yeah. Thanks. Actually, he just got home, so I should go. Yep. See you later. Love you too. Bye.”

“Hey,” Grillby greeted him as he put the phone down. “You’re home early. Cancel with the team?”  
“Mmhm.”  
Gaster took his coat off and slumped into a chair.  
“Mm. How’d school and work go?”  
He was surprised Grillby remembered that.  
“N...Not so well. Someone picked up my conversation in the office, and it spread like fire. They were crowding around me…”  
Grillby frowned and took the chair beside him, leaning forward.  
“Anxiety attack?”  
“Almost… I hid out in the lab for a while, then Rang took me out early. I’m pretty okay now…”  
“You should’ve called me.”

“Mm. Was that Charrley on the phone? Why did she call?”  
“Oh, I called her. To tell her about the baby.”  
...What?  
“R-really?”  
“Well, yeah… When you said you were telling everyone, I assumed I was supposed to do my part too.”  
“Oh… W-well, how did she take it?”  
“Heh, she’s excited about being an aunt already. I think she’ll have it spoiled before it’s even born.”  
“... Did you call Broi too?”  
“I called him first, because I knew Charrley couldn’t keep it to herself for five seconds. He still has that weird dislike for you, apparently… But even he’s a little enthusiastic.”

Grillby’s siblings were pretty distant, only showing up a couple of times a year, but with Gaster having no family to speak of they counted for something.  
So, then… Grillby _was_ excited? At least enough to tell his family? Um…

“I’m going to go ahead and start dinner.”

Grillby went on his routine as Gaster sat and contemplated. What the hell… It didn’t make any sense, didn’t add up right. Grillby had been strictly avoiding the whole thing for weeks now, then he suddenly tells his family? Happily?  
Fuck it. Maybe he should just stop thinking all together. It was exhausting. 

On that note, Gaster busied himself with school work while Grillby did his thing. While he was doing that, he realized that something felt off… Not necessarily bad, just little weird, in the pit of his stomach. He kept it in mind, but decided to not jump to conclusions. He didn’t need paranoia on top of everything else.

Grillby called for dinner. Whatever it was, it looked and smelled good. Grillby gave some elaborate explanation for every aspect of the thing, and Gaster pretended that he understood completely when he couldn’t even tell the difference between cooking utensils. The usual. Except… Grillby seemed much lighter than usual. After an intent introduction to the meal he started an idle conversation and talked more than he collectively had in the past few weeks. Usually Gaster found trivial talk abhorrent, but he’d been missing it so bad lately that he kept with it. Did this mean anything? Was it good? Was it nothing?

They were about half-way through dinner, just carrying a normal conversation while Gaster silently freaked out, when–  
“You know, I’ve been expanding my search out a bit. I don’t want to stray too far from the area, but there’s really not a lot around here. I’ve thought abo–”  
Grillby was abruptly interrupted when Gaster jumped so hard his knees hit the underside of the table.

What the hell?  
_What the hell?_  
Oh…  
Oh, holy shit…

 

Grillby gaped at the skeleton as he wrapped his hands around his middle and stared down at himself. Oh no... Grillby collected himself after a moment and said lowly, fear flaring in his energy,  
“Gaster? What’s wrong?”  
_God, please, not this, not now–_  
“It’s… It’s moving. The baby’s moving.”

Gaster flipped his shirt up. Sure enough, the little souling was fluttering around.It flickered from point to point like an electric spark. It didn’t stray too far, there wasn’t much room in the first place, but it was definitely moving… He could _feel_ it too. Ripples through his own energy, gently lapping against his soul…

Alive. They were _alive_.  
Gaster covered the smile that erupted on his face.

Grillby stirred him from his elation.  
“Oh…” he hummed indifferently.  
...  
Gaster pulled his shirt down and got up.  
“I’m tired. Good night.”  
“Um, good night?” 

_Fuck off._ Gaster stormed out. He wasn’t going to let Grillby crush his excitement again. Fuck him. Gaster didn’t need him. His child was alive, _real_ , and if Grillby couldn’t accept that it was his problem. If he wasn’t happy about it, he could leave. Gaster was happy, and excited, and this was all he wanted right now. _Fuck him_.

Gaster sighed as he closed the bedroom door behind him. No… He just needed to calm down. Get some rest. His head was too muddled for any sort of rationality right now. Today had been a mess.  
After changing, he laid on his side on the cool bed and just watched the souling. He couldn’t quite name the emotion he was feeling, not in this state of mind, but it was pouring out of his heart as he watched his child. It almost hurt. Some sort of love, maybe? He was a little hesitant to use such a strong word, but…  
Before it didn’t seem so real. It was easy to ignore. Just a lump of magic sitting in his middle, leeching off his energy, upsetting his emotions. An _idea_ , more than anything. Now… When he laid his fingertips on his stomach’s surface and allowed traces of light to flow through them , the souling moved to it, then sent tiny sparks of its own energy that flashed through his system. He could feel the soul’s individuality, its vitality, its significance. It was incredible. 

About fifteen minutes later, the souling went back to rest in its nest of magic, apparently tired. Finally, after a while of just gazing at it, Gaster wrapped himself in covers and let his eyes close. God, he was tired. It’d been an eventful day. There was still a lot of things digging in his mind, but at the moment, he was happy. And he’d hold on to that for as long as he could.

He’d just started drifting off when the opening door slightly woke him. A moment later, a warm body was leaning over him. He was only cognitive enough to snuggle deeper into the covers.  
“Going to work. Love you.”  
A lingering kiss was pressed to his skull with a hand cradling his belly before he was left alone and shivering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so... I'm going to take a week off. I've been having mental health issues left and right, and school's unleashing hell before midterm. I don't want to ruin the story with my stress; I'm really unhappy with this chapter for that reason. I plan to make up for it over spring break.  
> On a lighter note, I realized I set the kid's conception around Valentine's day. 10/10.  
> Visit my tumblr to watch me be a jackass. It's lots of fun.  
> Please comment. If you hate it, have a problem with anything, have some criticism, tell me. I want to know. If you love it, that's okay too.  
> 3/12/16 Yep, I'm still at this, just took another week off (because art), sorry it's been so long. Take care.


	5. Violet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some consolation.

Grillby yawned and stretched before putting on his glasses and squinting into the dark. As late as it was, there should be some lights on… Oh. Well, that was a familiar scene. 

Smirking to himself, Grillby quietly crept across the living room to turn on the dim lamp, then lowered himself next to the couch. Heh… Gaster was passed the hell out there, a mess of papers spread over the table, pen still in hand, and a huge book titled _Advanced Mechanics_ laid open on his chest. And he was always so insistent, _’Physics isn’t boring, it’s the study of our Universe! How can it be boring?’_

Grillby gently grabbed the book and put it aside, which good lord was probably suffocating the skeleton as heavy as it was, then settled into contemplation as he stroked his flames and gazed at his husband. 

Gaster looked peaceful... Good. He needed it, after yesterday’s ‘episode,’ whatever it was… The whole ordeal was still deeply bothering Grillby. And he hadn’t come up with much of an explanation. Whenever Gaster got stressed out, even with the littlest things, he _always_ called Grillby. They both knew how the ‘littlest thing’ could quickly tumble into a total breakdown, and Grillby knew how to soothe him. If that didn’t work, he gave Gaster the confidence to call it off and just come home. Hell, they’d been doing this since they were dating, and Gaster hadn’t had even a minor attack in years. It was their system. So, then… Gaster nearly having a full-on attack and _not calling him at all_ was very, very concerning. And Grillby still wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

That, and last night’s event. That… That just really caught him off guard. He didn’t expect Gaster to go storming off like that, and the reaction bothered him the rest of the night. He could sketch it all up to pregnancy hormones or something, but… He was always hesitant to brush anything off when it came to Gaster. He’d been acting weird lately, very quiet, very drawn back, very distracted… He’d had little instances like this before, but considering the _circumstances_ , there could very well be some underlying cause, something distressing him. Of course, Grillby wanted to know what it was so he could fix it. 

And… fuck, he didn’t really want to admit it, but he had some feeling that it might be his fault. He was clueless as to what it’d be, but Gaster had a bad habit of not telling him when he was doing something wrong. He’d strongly considered sitting down and directly confronting him, but, he thought, with Gaster already being on edge, it might be best to just wait for his husband to come to him… But Grillby wasn’t about to let him have another anxiety attack. He was planning on talking to him last night, but _that_ happened, and he looked so peaceful now… Later tonight. He’d do it. Absolutely. They needed to talk about this…

Speaking of last night— Grillby’s gaze trailed down his husband’s slender neck and softly breathing chest to his middle. Hm, Gaster was really starting to ‘show’; it was dismissable at a glance, but there was a definite roundness that gently swelled against the gray shirt.  
Breath held, Grillby gave a quick glance to Gaster’s still-sleeping face then carefully leaned forward to pull back the hem of the shirt. Christ… It’d been over a month, but the idea was still crazy to him. There was the developing soul of his _kid_ , a product of his and Gaster’s affection, nestled in swirling magic and looking as peaceful as its parent. Heh… Gaster had given him a scare-and-a-half last night, when he suddenly freaked and grabbed his stomach. Grillby’s heart about stopped, and for a split second he… he thought he might be losing the thing he just started to love. 

But no, thank god; it was the opposite, actually. And seeing the souling flickering around, moving, being _alive_ , hit him with a whole brickload of reality that he wasn’t quite ready for. He wasn’t sure what to say, but he was excited as hell. Then Gaster stormed out, and he was left feeling disappointed, concerned, and feeling very, very guilty.

Was it his fault…? Okay, he would admit, he’d been a bit… _distant_ , at first. It was just… That night, when Gaster told him he wanted to keep the baby, his whole life whiplashed. There he was, going along and thinking, ‘everything’s fine, it’ll all go back to normal soon,’ then he suddenly had to calculate a _kid_ into his future. And it took him a while to, well, _accept_ that. He was in some sort of denial at first, so he tried to go on like he was– contentedly ignoring it. Ignoring the growing anticipation in the back of his mind, walking on eggshells to make sure it didn’t come up in conversation, turning away from the heart-lurching glimpses of his husband tenderly holding his stomach… But that monster in his mind soon grew too large to be ignored, and he was eventually forced to face the fact: he couldn’t just keep avoiding it. At least, not for long. He needed to _accept_ this, and start taking responsibility and preparing to be a parent, or everything would come crashing down in a heaping mess. Plus, he owed it to Gaster. _He_ wanted this, and as much as Gaster was a part of Grillby’s life, Grillby needed to want this too. He signed up for anything and everything when he said those vows, thick and thin, and he wouldn’t give it up for the world. 

So he might as well embrace it. Afterall, that was _supposed_ to be the reaction, right? Being happy, excited? It all had a rough start, and Grillby never thought it’d end up here, but everything was settled now. A whole new journey that would drastically change their lives… They sure as hell weren’t ready, but they had each other, and they had time. 

Gaster had been so hard to reach lately though, Grillby hadn’t been able to properly express his feelings about it. Who knew what Gaster thought? His anxiety could twist the slightest doubts into the darkest monsters…

Sighing softly, Grillby stirred from his thoughts to rest a hand on the barrier that held their souling. He’d been so curious to see it, but he’d never got th—

 _Woah_. Jeez… Grillby’s eyes flared as his magic burst from his palm and magnetically drew towards the little soul. It ‘awoke’ with a start, flickering around a few times, then excitedly drew towards his splayed hand, hovering just beneath his fingertips. Grillby could only stare in amazement. After a moment, the souling gave out its own stream of light that bolted straight through Grillby. Holy hell...  
_H-hey there, little guy…_

 

“What are you doing?”

Grillby jumped and snatched his hand away at the voice. Shit… Looking back sheepishly, Grillby met the groggy, confused, and slightly irritated eyes of his husband. 

“I, uh… um…”  
Gaster regarded him for a moment, then sighed and flexed his hands.  
“Christ, scared me half to death, waking up to them floundering like that.”  
“O-oh, sorry…”

Grillby tentatively pulled away and shrugged around to face Gaster, knees drawn to his chest. Emitting another sigh, Gaster carefully rolled to his side. His sleep-faded pupils were narrowed, coldly _studying_ him, and Grillby shrank under his scrutiny. Okay, yeah, he screwed up…

“You, uh, fell asleep with your book,” Grillby made some attempt at distracting the silence.  
“Mm. I’ve been doing schoolwork for hours. Needed to catch up, as tired as I’ve been.”  
“Yeah, I’m sure… Feeling better after yesterday, at least?”  
“... Grillby, we need to talk.”

There it was. Oh god… A-alright, no, he was prepared for this. This was good, they _needed_ this. This is exactly what Grillby wanted. 

Gaster (with effort) sat up on his elbows and stretched into a sitting position. Grillby took the incentive and nervously sat on the opposite side. Well, this was familiar… Exactly where they were five weeks ago. So much had changed…

“Are you okay with this baby, Grillby?”

He hated the way Gaster was looking at him. Almost _accusingly_. And fuck, he deserved it.

“W-what do you mean?”  
Gaster’s mouth twitched.  
“I mean… Grillby, e-ever since the moment you found out I was pregnant, you’ve been avoiding it like hell-water. You won’t look at it. You won’t talk about it. You won’t even touch me. And those first couple of weeks, it was okay; we were uncertain, and we weren’t sure where it was going. But… but things have changed. I want this baby, and I’ve told you that. Hell, I’m… I’m _happy_ , and excited about this! But you… you just keep ignoring it, like it’s not happening!”

At this point Gaster closed his eyes for a moment, veiling the glint of tears that edged his sockets. He was upset. He was stressed. Grillby’s heart pounded as guilt and worry grinded deeper and deeper against him. 

“W-well… Just ignoring it isn’t going to be an option much longer. There’s not a lot of time left. I need to start preparing my life for parenthood, and I… I need to know right now— are you going to be here with me?”

Grillby stared at him for a few moments. It… It wasn’t computing quite right. .’ _Are you going to be here with me?’_ What…?

“Gaster… W-what, did you think I, I-I’d just _leave_?”

No, that couldn’t be it, Gaster would never believe that, surely…  
…  
No answer…

Gaster’s eyes were getting brighter, his expression tightening. Wait, fuck–

 

Gaster broke. His hands flew up to cover his gaping mouth as tears streamed down his cheeks.  
“Yes,” he choked out, huddling with wracking sobs.

Oh good god. 

Grillby lunged forward to take his husband in his arms, panic and shock running rampant through his system as Gaster trembled in his grasp. Fuck… Gaster folded against him, burying into his chest. Grillby found himself shaking as he held him tight. 

“H-hey, d… don’t ever fucking think that, I’d never, _ever_... Fuck, Din…”

Grillby choked up as, hell, he started tearing up too. Gaster thought he was going to _leave_? Everything made a little more sense now, but fuck…

It took a few minutes, but eventually they both calmed down a bit, though Gaster was still quietly crying into his chest with periodic spasms, and Grillby was able to get his words out. 

“Gaster, christ… I’d never leave you. And especially not for this. Look–”  
Grillby gently forced the skeleton to look at him. God, his face was heart-wrenching… He traced his thumb over the fresh tears as he continued. 

“I-I know I’ve been… Fuck, I’ve been terrible at this. I’ve had a really hard time communicating my feelings, and it’s my fault… But, trust me, I’m happy and excited too, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you, always.”

Gaster faltered again, but this time crushed into a broken but sweet smile as more, happier tears gushed from his sockets. Grillby let him collapse back into his chest, and he just held him for a while. At some point, he had to ask,

“Did you really think I’d leave you? What in the world had you thinking that?”

Gaster gave a shuddering sigh and gripped against his wet shirt. He sounded drained as he muttered,  
“I’m sorry… I’ve just been stuck in my own damn head for too long, and I was so confused and _scared_... Fuck, I’m so sorry…”  
“It’s alright, Sweetheart. I’ve got you.”  
“... Are, are you r-really happy about this? Like, actually?”  
Grillby smiled and lowered his hand to Gaster’s back.  
“Yeah, I’m happy. Really happy. Hell, last night, you scared the shit out of me when you jumped and grabbed your stomach like that. I thought something was wrong…”

“O-oh,” Gaster finally pulled himself from Grillby and leaned back. With his tears drying, he looked the brightest he had in a month. Grillby’s soul flooded with relief. 

“S-sorry, it just really surprised me… They haven’t stop much since. Active little thing…”

Gaster lifted his shirt and pressed his fingertips against the barrier. Grillby watched with heart-fluttering fascination as the souling stirred and started flitting all over the place. Gaster was grimacing though.  
“Mm… These damn episodes can’t be pleasant for them. I’ve heard they can feel their parent’s emotions…”

“Well, no more emotional breakdowns. I’m here for _you_.”  
Grilby leaned forward and placed his hand where their growing child was thrumming. Grillby stiffened a little in surprise– with the flow of their magic together, his Gaster’s and the baby’s, he could feel their bond _blazing_ like it never had before. He shuffled even closer place both hands on Gaster’s belly, watching the light-show attentively for a few seconds before Gaster gently pulled his hands away, taking them towards his chest where Grillby could feel his soul pulsing.  
“Oh, stop it… I’m going to start crying again.”

Grillby couldn’t stop himself from closing the distance by cupping the skeleton’s face and bringing him into a tender, burning kiss. It said ten times more than any words could, but Gaster stilled topped it off with a breathless “I love you…” when they pulled away. God, he was so fucking sweet. 

“I love you so much,” Grillby murmured. Gaster sighed contently and sat back, frowning slightly. 

“I’m sorry I’m so touchy and impractical and sensitive… Here everything was fine, and I was ready to have a total breakdown. If I’d just ask you…”

Grillby hummed and traced along his jawline, gazing at his scatter-brained husband lovingly.  
“Eh, that’s just you. I think I’m starting to get used to it.”

Gaster’s eyes flashed playfully, and he quirked his brows as he muttered,  
“True, but… You could’ve been less of a _fucking ass_ about it, you know.”  
“Well… You could’ve been less of a fucking ass to communicate with, hm?”  
“Fair enough,” Gaster grinned, before pulling Grillby down by the collar and bringing him into a much deeper, rougher kiss. He paused between breaths, “You know, there’s something else I’ve been really missing…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *When your own fluff kills you*  
> Chapters'll be getting a bit shorter here on out (thank god).  
> I'm going to working on a oneshot this weekend (featuring preg Grillby) so the next chapter will likely be pushed another week.  
> Comments are the world to me.  
> 03/26/15  
> >> *Some vague excuse, I'm not dead*  
> 03/30/16  
> Hey y'all, I should be finishing that damn oneshot _this_ weekend, then I'll get cracking on chapter 6. Sorry for the wait.


	6. Daffodil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not always going to be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, some close calls, but I'm not dead! Woah!  
> This chapter isn't stellar, I know, but it's really just to get me back on my feet. I hope you manage to enjoy it anyway.   
> I also crapped out another, short story, you should go check it out!  
> Please feel free to talk to me, my tumblr's under the same username, especially if you want to know where the hell I went.   
> Comments are the greatest, please shower me in them

“Fine. Oh, come on… That’s not my fault. Yes, I know. Well, that’s what I was working on, before _someone_ interrupted me… Sure, I guess? Oh… That’s none of your business, you perverted old bones! Alright, jeez… Yeah, I’ll see you Monday. Mmhm. I will. You too. Bye.”

Gaster tossed the phone aside and groaned into his arms, an amethyst blush creeping in his skull . Grillby snickered to himself as he filed plates into the cabinet. 

“That sounded rather interesting from my end.”  
“I swear… Putting up with Ko’s bantering for the next months will be the hardest part of all this…”  
“Hm. Well, you’re the one that was so excited to tell them.”   
“Tch, yeah, big mistake… You know they took bets? On what was wrong with me?”  
“Heh, really? Who won?”   
“Apparently, Ko hit it on the head. Probably knew before I did… Idri thought we were moving away or something.”

Grillby hummed in amusement as he finished up, then took a chair by his husband at the table. He glanced at the list tucked under Gaster’s arms. 

“You should really invite them over sometime. I’d like to meet them, after hearing about their antics all these years.”  
“Tch, yeah, sure, that’d be a hell of a dinner party… Uh, anyway, here’s the list. What I have so far.”

Grillby shifted his glasses as he took the list in hand. _Blankets, Bottles, Infant Clothes, Infant Food?, ‘Nursery Stuff,’_ and a few other vague and obvious things. 

“Yeah, I know, I’m terrible at this,” Gaster sighed. “But it was really all I could think of… Do you have any ideas?”

Grillby tapped along his jaw as he mused. Well, honestly, Gaster probably came up with more than he could’ve…

“Mm, the first thing we’ll need, relatively soon, is new clothes for _you_.”

Grillby took a pointed glance at Gaster’s middle. Yep, definitely a small, but undeniable bump there. Crazy. 

“Oh yes, that’s true,” Gaster hummed with a grimace. “I’m not sure where to get those… Do you know anyone that has kids? Someone that could, at least, get us on track?”

“Mm, not that I can think of. I’ll ask around the bar. I’m sure Charrley would love to help out, and maybe even Broi. Oh, and, are you still thinking about using the storage room for the nursery?”  
“We don’t have much of a choice there. It’ll have to be turned into a bedroom eventually anyway, might as well do it now. I’m not really sure what goes in a nursery, though…”   
“Hm. Think there’s some store that has all this stuff? I don’t know where half of these things would be, honestly…”

“I… I don’t know.” 

Nn...Grillby could see the stress flaring in his husband’s eyes, and he immediately moved to quell it. 

“Hey, it’s alright… We don’t have to have all of this figured out right now. I just wanted a start. We can work on it later.” 

 

Gaster heaved a sigh and heavily rested on his elbow, looking tired and defeated. Grillby’s heart squeezed. 

“It… I-It needs to get done,” Gaster muttered.   
“Sweetheart… We’ve got a good while. Don’t worry. We’ll get it figured out.”

Eh, sometimes he felt like he was being a little overbearing with the “stop worrying it’s going to be fine I’ll take care of it” thing, and Gaster usually rolled his eyes at it, but… The fireman still felt gut-wrenching guilt for the past weeks. He was trying his best to make up for it. Gaster continuously insisted that everything was okay now and they could put it behind them, but Grillby still couldn’t believe how much he’d hurt him, without even knowing… 

Grillby reached to hug the skeleton around the shoulder,– and stiffened at feeling how dampered his magic was. Down, dark, depressed. Not all monsters’ magic expressed their inner emotions, but Gaster was a definite exception. Grillby pulled a concerned look. Gaster sighed, relaxing and leaning against Grillby a little, scrunching his hands. 

“I’m fine… Just, a little overwhelmed, I guess.”   
“That’s okay,” Grillby said softly, “I am too… But we’ll get it figured out. It’ll be okay.” 

Gaster laid unmoving on Grillby’s chest, and despite Grillby’s attempt at soothing him, he could feel dread start to wax over Gaster’s energy. After a minute he suddenly muttered,

“I’m going to be a horrible parent.” 

Grillby’s chest moved with a soft gasp. Gaster shrugged away and hunched over himself, eyes distantly staring out the window. 

Come on, not this, not now…

“What? No… That’s not true, Din. At all.”

Gaster snickered and slowly shook his head. Grillby’s heart gripped painfully. 

“Yeah, sure… I can barely take care of _myself_. Look at me, wracked with this damn anxiety, depressed, flipping on a dime… Fuck… This was a mistake. We shouldn’t have done this. It was stupid. Too late to fix it now. But adoption…” 

 

Grillby swallowed hard, carefully picking words in his head. _Come on Din, snap out of it…_

“Din… You’re… You’re not thinking right. Remember how excited you were? Are? And we’re sitting here, ready to plan it all out. You’ve thought over this for weeks. Not every day’s going to be perfect, but that’s okay… On those days, I promise, I’ll take care of both of you. Alright?” 

Grillby’s words seemed to have an impact, with a flurry of confliction flashing over the skeleton’s expression. But a moment later, a film of tears flooded Gaster’s sockets and he buried into his hands. 

“You shouldn’t have to pay for my fuck up. I should’ve listen to you, it’s not your fault… You… You can still leave, you know.”

That was it. Grillby gripped the skeleton’s leg, tight enough to make him look up.

“Din, _stop_.”

 

Gaster sat shaking for a few seconds, before he broke into muffled sobbing and sunk in defeat. He allowed Grillby to pull him back and hold him. Hold him hold him hold him. 

Grillby hated this so much.

When he tired out some minutes later, Gaster muttered,   
“I’m sorry… That I’m like this… God, I’m being fucking stupid… Should keep my stupid emotions in check and my mouth shut… I’m just… so frustrated and tired.” 

“Want to go to bed?” Grillby quietly inquired.   
“Maybe just… for a nap…” 

Grillby silently guided the skeleton to the bedroom and on the bed, then settled beside him, a distance apart. Gaster closed his eyes, looking a degree of relieved, but periodically twitching into distressed expressions as tears continued to drip down his cheeks. 

They laid in silence for a while, before the skeleton opened his eyes and was softly gazing at him. 

 

“Feeling better?” Grillby asked gently after a moment.   
The skeleton nodded, face wiped of emotion. 

“Yeah… I… God, I’m sorry. I… I have no idea where that came from, just out of the blue…”  
“It’s fine, Sweetheart. As long as you’re feeling better.”  
“I...I -I d-didn’t mean, any of that… I promise…”   
“I know. It’s okay.”   
“I’m sorry…” 

Grillby shuffled to wrap the skeleton in his arms. His heart _finally_ relaxed as the skeleton gave a small smile, and his magic rose to a warm, positive hum. Thank the stars…

“Mm… You’re right, though. I need to stop worrying. They have such an awesome dad, it’ll make up for all of my shittiness…” 

Grillby smirked.  
“You need to switch those terms around...”   
“Well, for your sake, I guess I’m not _that_ shitty… But you keep the awesome part.”   
“Whatever you say…” 

Gaster grimaced, and Grillby instantly regretted his careless comment. 

“What? You don’t think you’ll be an awesome parent? Did you hear what you said a couple of minutes ago? Tch…”   
“W-well, it’s not really that…”   
“...Come on, Grillby. What then?” 

Grillby rubbed at his neck nervously. He wasn’t ever planning on bringing this up, but, he kind of dug his own grave, didn’t he? No way Gaster would let him go… 

“W-well, it’s just, you know, who’s going to be proud of a bartender dad? I-I mean, you’re amazing physicist, incredibly intelligent, working on your Master’s degree and working in a science lab… And I just work in a lousy bar, barely passing high school. So the kid’s probably not really going to look up to me, or anything… I’m not really complaining, it’s my own fault…” 

Gaster stared at him. Grillby suddenly became very interested in the wall, a flush of embarrassment seeping into his flames. 

 

“Grillby…” 

Gaster lifted the hem of his shirt, and Grillby blinked in surprise. It was so easy to forget that there was literally a soul in his husband’s abdomen… It was ‘sleeping’ now, peacefully still in its nest of magic. It made Grillby’s soul glow. 

“Here.” Gaster snatched Grillby’s hand and guided it to his stomach— the moment his quivering fingertips brushed the surface, the little souling flared to life and flickered towards him, excitedly sending out its own bolts of magic.

No matter how many times he’d seen it…

 

Gaster’s voice broke through his mesmerization  
“See… Are you really going to argue that this tiny thing doesn’t already love you to bits? You’re just as bad as me sometimes, I swear… Grillby, they’re not going to care about what grades you got or where you work. You’re their _father_ , and you’re going to be awesome. I know they’ll love you no matter what.” 

Grillby’s soul was burning bright as he stared at their child and felt its magic pouring through him and watched it move, and he couldn’t help but breathlessly mutter,   
“Holy hell… I-I’m a dad, Din!”   
“And I’ve got a kid growing in my belly. A ‘mom.’ Insane, isn’t it?” 

Grillby hugged his husband tight, smiling like an idiot. He didn’t know why it was just now hitting him so hard...

“I… I never thought I’d want this, not in a million years… But I’m so damn happy, Din!” 

Gaster huffed and smiled.   
“I’m still scared and unsure, to be honest… But I’m so glad to have you here with me. I don’t know what I’d do without you…”   
“Eh… You’d still just be a supersmart nerd, like you’ve always been. Uh, well, that, and not pregnant…” 

Gaster laughed, hiding his blush in Grillby’s chest.   
“Yeah, you damn troublemaker… I don’t know how you do it, Grillby. I felt so bad earlier… You magically make everything okay again.”   
“Just doing my job.”   
“Tch… Mm, by the way, do you happen to have anything in mind for a nursery theme?”


	7. Lilac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nerds go on a date (in the dark).

Gaster slowly sat up in confusion, groggily blinking as he peered around. It was dark. Pitch dark, without even the dim light from the windows. The only visible thing was a thin, faint strip of orangish light peeking from under the bedroom door. 

Unnerved, the skeleton summoned a flood of luminescent magic to his hand, expecting to set the room alight with a lilac glow— and only managed a small ember quivering in his palm. Oh yeah. _That_.

Sighing to himself, he managed to kick off the covers and get to the door _without dying_ , and fiddled with the light switch. Hmph. That's what he figured.  
He heaved a deep, exasperated breath before he opened the door, then flinched in the bright light that greeted him. He squinted as the light was immediately toned down to a soft glow.

"Oh, hey. Didn't want to wake you. Power outage."  
"I see that," Gaster muttered. He strolled over to lean on the back of the couch, where his husband was contentedly reading. He always seemed to enjoy these outages more than he did...

Of all the damn days too. It pissed him off... The power would probably come back on by evening, but by then it'd be too late, and they'd have to wait till next weekend. And they had this planned all week. It wasn't anything _that_ special, but...

"Hm? What's the matter?" Grillby hummed, responding to the skeleton's disagreeable expression. At least Gaster had his living lantern with him. 

"Ah, nothing... I was just actually looking forward to going out today. But, oh well. Damn outages..."  
"Oh, I was still planning on going out. If you're up to it?"

Gaster raised a brow. Well... When the power shut down, the whole Underground shut down. The trains went offline. School and work was out for the day. Except in those few places where murky sunlight filtered in from high above, the whole place went dark, and everyone had to stay in and huddle down with light energy or candles. You _could_ go out and about if you wanted, but wandering in a lightless city was, obviously, dangerous. And Gaster hadn't particularly felt like going on any life-staking adventures lately. 

So, then...

"I mean... Where would we go? It's really not a big deal, I have some stuff I can work on. I'd rather not get mugged today."

Grillby smiled and gave him a look that made his heart raise an inch.  
"I have a place in mind. Somewhere where there's lots of light. _Natural_ light. A place we know pretty well." 

Gaster’s mental gears twisted for a second, before it clicked— and his heart about burst with excitement. 

“Grillby…! A-are the ferries running today?!”  
“Should be.”  
“Oh my god… Grillby, it’s been years!” 

The fireman chuckled as his husband literally bounced in anticipation. 

“Too long… So, up to it?”  
“J-just give me a minute!”  
“No hurry…” 

Gaster managed to get through his whole morning routine in five minutes. Grillby was barely able to throw a bag together before Gaster was pulling him out the door. He apparently didn’t expect his husband to react so strongly, but the skeleton could tell he was pleased with himself. 

 

Though, Gaster slowed a bit when they started descending the stairs. Even with Grillby’s warm glow, the darkness was stark, _stifling_. Hushed voices could be heard murmuring from the apartments, while the pair’s footsteps echoed down the stairwell. Grillby was silent.  
It was eerie, to say the least.

It was better when they got outside, but Gaster felt his anxiety tighten. There were scattered groups of people lining the street, happily going along, providing one another with light and company. He usually wouldn’t be the least bit intimidated by the scene, and probably even find it heartening, but now he nervously played with the hem of his shirt as he was reminded of the depleted magnitude of his magic…

But a gentle hand urged him on, and he eagerly followed his guiding light through the hushed city. No, he was fine. _They_ were fine. And they were going to have a good date. Calm down. 

 

It was quite a walk without the trains, and there were a few times that Gaster was petrified that they’d gotten lost, but his heart thrummed as they finally approached the harbor. Lanterns of differing energy colors lined the shore, reflecting off the river, docks, and the dozens of boats and boat drivers. There were only a few here, and soon he and Grillby were being ushered into a gondola.  
Which, well, made Gaster’s heart constrict for the first few minutes. Ironically, he was more scared of the river than his literally-made-of-fire husband, who rather liked the ride… But the gondola driver told them it wouldn’t be a long trip, and Grillby was sure to cuddle the skeleton to his chest and feed warm, confidence-enforcing love to his soul. 

Mm… He hated, hated hated that Grillby still felt so guilty for his breakdown, and he tried so hard to make his husband forgive himself. But that was damn near impossible. And this extra care and attention… It was nice. _Not_ that Grillby didn’t give him care and attention before, lord no, but with everything being a little more hectic than usual, he was grateful for it. He just wished he could return the favor… Well, okay, he _was_ growing his baby, that might count for something.  
Gaster snickered to himself with that thought, and Grillby hummed lowly in response. He was quiet today, probably lost in thought. He was like that sometimes. God, he loved him. 

While he didn’t dare look at the swirling waters around them, no matter how pretty it looked with Grillby’s light reflecting off the surface, he focused on the gondola’s pinkish lantern and the sound of the oar brimming the wooden boat. For the first time in a while… he felt incredibly peaceful. His mind was unusually still, his soul was soaking in his Love’s light, and his schoolwork and jobs were steadily floating away for a while…  
He was happy. No, no… content. That was better. Everything was okay. For the moment. And that was good enough. For the moment. 

 

Mesmerized, he gasped when Grillby shifted his arm around his waist to gently cradle his hand over his belly, thumb slowly tracing over the curve… Gaster’s heart about broke free of his ribs. _Grillby..._ Surprisingly, it didn’t wake the little one up.  
After the fluttering in his chest died down, it only added to the heavy tranquility reverberating through him. Hm… 

 

As promised, it wasn’t too long before the waters began to glow, luminosity steadily increasing until the banks were alight with the brilliance of the electric-cyan river. Gaster couldn’t help but sit up, taking in the scenery with wide, astonished eyes, Grillby smiling beside him. It really had been years… And it still took his breath away.  
The deeper they went, the more beautiful it was. The trees pulsed with hues from neon to the darkest blue, the gorgeous echo flowers whispered in the distance, the star-like gems gleamed high above… It was a dream. He could hardly catch his breath. Grillby couldn’t stop quietly laughing behind him. 

“Here we are. Waterfall. Have a good trip, you two.” 

The gondola driver helped the pair onto the shore, taking extra care with Grillby, then was off with a wave. And the couple were alone. 

 

“Take a breath, Honey,” Grillby chuckled, cupping the skeleton’s face. Gaster swallowed, not taking his eyes off the beating canopy above them. 

“It’s so beautiful…” 

“Just like you remember it?” 

Gaster nodded.

“It hasn’t changed. I forgot places like this existed…” 

 

Grillby joined him in silence for a while, extinguishing the glow of his fire to not interfere with the ethereal light around them. He wasn’t quite as taken as his husband, never was, but profound wonder and appreciation filmed over his eyes as he gazed around. Then, he pulled Gaster to with a tug at his hand. 

“Come on. The usual spot. You still know the way?” 

Gaster frowned deeply.

“Honestly, no…” 

“Really? It’s just up this path.” 

 

The two slowly wandered over the dark road, straying away from the river and deeper into Lightwood forest. The further they went, the more Gaster started recognizing features— a fallen log here, a moss-covered boulder there— and memories that had been waking since the morning flooded into his mind. 

Five years ago… That was the first time. A little while after they started dating, but not too long. Enough to recognize that it might be more than a fling, but nothing serious yet… Well, for Grillby’s part. Gaster was heavily involved long before that… But he knew Grillby, the technically-an-adult-but-really-still-a-kid-who-wanted-to-have-fun-without-consequences, wasn’t even close to considering any sort of commitment, and he, the adult-who-had-been-doing-this-for-a-few-years-but-still-felt-clueless-and-terrified, didn’t want to chase him away with any sense of responsibility. He wasn’t too convinced of the relationship either, as much as he wanted it.  
But it was here... In Waterfall, that things started to change a bit. Gaster wanted to do something different, other than the routine ‘go to the bar, go home, fuck, eat dinner, maybe watch a movie’ that they’d been doing for weeks and weeks. Grillby rolled his eyes at the idea, finding their routine to be just fine, but decided to humor him, figuring Waterfall would be a place a college physics nerd might like. And, Grillby grumbling and being an ass, they went. But after a while under the ‘stars,’ with Gaster mostly just rambling to himself with an unusually quiet Grillby, his boyfriend-ish thing finally dropped his apathetic, ‘tough guy’ mask, and poured out his true colors. His insecurities, his fears, his dreams… 

Tch. How far they’d come. 

They had a few more dates here after that. And two years later, it’s where Grillby dropped to a knee and asked the big question. So, it was a bit special to them. 

 

He was stirred out of his musing and his breath caught as they came into a clearing. _Their_ clearing. It was small, opening up to a curve of the river on the farside, dozens of echo flowers lacing the edges, and a perfect view of the star-gems above. 

Grillby moved forward to pull a blanket out of the bag and draped it in the middle. Then he sat, leaning back on his hands and facing the river. Gaster didn’t hesitate to join him. 

 

“Five years,” Gaster muttered after a minute, watching the cyan water softly ripple with current.  
Grillby shifted beside him.  
“It seems like decades…”  
“And this place hasn’t changed a bit.”  
“No, it hasn’t.”  
“...Remember who we were back then? What we were like?”  
“I can’t stop thinking about it. And how much it’s changed… Well, even since the last time we were here. Just in the past months. _Everything’s_ changed…” 

Gaster hummed in agreement. Then, carefully, he eased down on his back, resting his head on his arm and meeting the ‘stars.’ Grillby followed, laying his head on his husband’s shoulder and grasping his hand. Gaster draped the other over his belly. Little one was starting to wake, sending tiny but tangible flashes of energy through his veins. 

The stars… If you squinted, and let your vision go dark, you could pretend that they were twinkling. Like they, apparently, did on the Surface. And maybe you could fill in the dark spaces with even more stars, with a ribbon of milky dark stretching behind them, and an occasional bright streak across the ‘sky.’ Like on the Surface. They say. 

 

“You think they’ll see the real stars someday?”  
Grillby took a breath.  
“Who, _them?_ ”  
“Mm.”  
“...It’s a possibility. There’s always hope. Hell, maybe _we_ will. But who knows…” 

“Have I ever explained what me, Ko, and Idri are working on, Grillby?”  
“I mean… You’ve told me bits and pieces, not really in detail…”  
“...It’s a magic energy generator, on a massive scale. The CORE, we’ve decided to call it. It’s not like the scrapped-together system we have now… We live this far underground, right above an incredible energy source. The Earth’s warmth; renewable, practically limitless… If we can harness that energy, we would never have to deal with these blackouts…” 

Gaster turned his head to meet his husband’s wide, wondering eyes.  
“But not only that. Not by far. If we can make this work, and it _can_ produce the energy we’re projecting, then who knows what it could do. Maybe, even… break the Barrier.” 

Grillby tensed beside him.  
They sat in silence for a while before Gaster turned back to the ‘stars’ and continued. 

“I want them to see it. The night sky. Sunrises, sunsets. Clouds. To feel the warmth of the Sun, the wind. I want it more than I want it for myself.” 

 

“...We all have that feeling, once in awhile. So much it hurts, some days… But, Din… Aren’t you happy? I’m happy. I believe we can all still live a good life down here. We can still hope, dream, love, live… Isn’t that enough?” 

 

Gaster frowned and sighed softly.  
“Of course I’m happy. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been… And you’re right, for most, just to live a fulfilling life is enough. But…”  
“You’ll never be satisfied, will you?”  
“...No, I won’t.”  
“And I love you for it.” 

 

Grillby shifted to lay his hand overtop Gaster’s, above the swell that held their developing child. Gaster lightly smiled to himself. Distant visions started fluttering in his head… Coming here, maybe five years later, a small body in his arms, looking up with them, hushedly telling them about the real sky; and even beyond that, because there was so, so much more. Planets, solar systems, galaxies… 

Maybe Grillby was right. Maybe that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I listened to a lot of emotional music writing this I’m sorry  
> Just to give you some context (I went through a calender and mapped this out) G is about 9 weeks here  
> Comments are my lifeforce
> 
> 07/15/16  
> I have moved on to the Overwatch fandom, and the future of this fic remains uncertain.


End file.
